Where to now...

So I see it now

I see some reasons for this place

My Daddy is gone now

He has finally finished his race

So where to now

Was that the only reason for this time and place

Are there more you desire for me to do

You removed me from my heart ministry

over and over again

So where to now

Is there even more you have

Do I even have a purpose

I felt like I had

I saw You work and move

is it done

just here

or everywhere

i just want to know

where and how to go

I'm not sure why something like this take me to a place like this

I don't like it

I don't want it

I just want to check out

be done

go on my own

run

I will give him up for You

I know You've asked me to give him up

and I am willing

its just hard

I feel alone in this

in this life

I know You are with me

You say

If you love Me

If you fear Me

You would give it all to Please Me

I say

There are so many things I love about You

So many reasons I could hate You

So many things I don't understand You do

But I'll give him up for You

Lord, I know you are good

but I feel like at times I have hard time expecting that

I know in my mind this is probably true

but I don't always see the greater outcome

I need You

I need You more than ever

I don't want to do this life without You

But I want to fully LIVE this LIFE the way you called me to

I'm tired of slowing down and waiting

I don't want to be here waiting and wanting

I want to go

I want to be

I want to live for You

Give it all to You

Hold nothing back

Wait for nothing of my own desires

Then you take me to this place

This slow pace place

You keep me from the dream You give me

Bring me here

I know some reasons, but I'm still waiting for more

Those reasons are done

And yet I still remain

This ideas and passions begin to fade

Each day I'm here

I feel like you hold me back from the place You've told me to go

I no longer even go there in my heart

I don't know if I want to anymore

I become more and more content

And yet still soooo anxious inside

This has nothing to even do with him... it has to do with me

Unsure

I seem like I always come to this place... a place of confusion and question

I don't understand

Why? Why do we have to depend on other people?

Why? Why do we have to get attached?

Why? Why do we have to get hurt?

I know that pleasure comes from these as well, but I'm not sure where to stand.